ThE BeAtiTuDeS

hmm...must be wondering why He's still good when i am down with food contamination rite...

let's see....

I believe and know that illness does not come from Him....and He indeed helped to sustained me...

on mon i begin to felt nauseous and having very bad headache which was so unbearable...the feeling is like u wish u can get rid of ya head...wana to go to the doctor but then the medical centre in skool was closed...n i simply felt too painful to go out of ntu campus... seriously feeling very blue..coz of the workload tts is on me and some stuff that has been disturbing me lately...sighzzz...but then lijun called...i relai had a good chat...a time of laughter...u really cheered me up gal..thanx so much....she even said a little prayer for me..and off i went to sleep...i guess, it really feels so nice n sweet when someone really cares esp when i'm sick...hehe...:)

hmm...then come tues..which i was feeling unwell still...but i had to go for lessons because my english is so overwhelming and tough...if i miss any i would miss out alot....so juz dragged my feet to skool...

after coming back....i realised tt my room is full of ants...crawling thru cracks of the walls, under the door, into the toilet and into another crack in my toiletmate's room...arrhh...did another room of cleaning up....when in fact i jus flooded my room together wif my room mate and then even lay ant poison on the ant trail juz on mon....unbelievable..those ants jus refuse to leave....and i got another two more stings from the mosquitoes...*itchy*itchy*

but it's reali cool...then lyndon came over to restring his electric guitar...haha...so called help him wif it...but wat reali matters was tt we had a good chat...together wif my room mate...then he later left for cg...but later at nite, he came over to borrow my books..when in fact i could pass him the next day...but guess what, the reason behind it was tt he juz wana check on me to see if i was feeling better.... tts kinda sweet too...but quite cool..had a gd chat abt songs, bible, guitar, etc....but then in the midst i started to haf my first run to the toilet....n i was so tired by the time he left, so simply fell asleep

but then the sleep wasn't good at all..i woke up 2 more times for toilet run again...that feeling is reali reali bad...then i woke up perspiring due to the panadol tt my room mate gave..coz i was running a bit of fever...

haiz..woke up at 7.30 and wana go to skool but realise i got toilet runs again..so my hall mate asked me to go to the doctor and she will take notes for me...n off to the doctor..thank God tt He sustained me there..coz i feel weak and was worrying tt i had to go to the doc...when in fact the walk to the medical centre from my hall is a little far...diagnosed wif food contamination and slight fever...

so came back and zzzzz all i could...n my hall mate, yiying is relai relai so so sweet...she called to check if i wana lunch...and even bought for me....after tt off to sleep i went again..then she called again to ask if i wana any food at 3.30pm..hahah..this gal is reali so sweet and caring..and guess what, my other hall mate jaclyn always feel so amused when she see both of us together..coz we always squabbles in a very fun way regardless of whether we are doing project together or juz normal talk....heheh..

oh yeah...had a tok wif matthias...he's back!!! so happy!!! hehe...he's a very very great and awesome brother of mine....though we dun always tok..but then he's always someone who is very close to my heart...

hmm...then at 5 plus, jenny called to say she wana visit me..haha..but i was zzzing...so she juz left for dinner wif lyndon...both of them are reali so nice....hehe...juz hope tt frenship can be fully restored to a stage where b4 tt incident happened....:) bcooz the time when i noe both of them..they are reali always crapping but it's reali so funni to noe abt their conversation..haha...:)

then my room mate..was so sweet..she called at 6 plus to check if i am better and even bought me dinner from canteen A...it's juz so so nice....bcoz i was reali sick of the food in hall 2....n i also dun haf to go down to grab food...coz i felt so restless...she was kinda glad tt my fren came over tt nite..hehe..coz she seems worried abt me..as i was feeling so quiet and moody the past few days....so when my fren came over...there seems to be life in the room again..haha...silly gal...:P

lastly, bro vic called when he knew i was sick...he wana come over to pray for me..but i was juz too tired...so juz said tt it's okie...

you see....tts how God's goodness is....He sent people to care and even take care of me...and what more...i was healed...one may wonder...tts bcoz i went to the doctor...but then God also work thru doctors....:)...and i was reali sustained thru the impt lessons tt i need to attend...n God works thru His own timing...healing is not all the time instant..it may be a process....i juz felt being cared and loved by so many....esp my cg members and my nie and hall mates n many others....thanx so much gals and guys...

i really had a good rest yest ..simply slept so much....actually could b on mc today...but decided tt i should go for my english class..hehe..:)...n a maths pedagogy presentation to do for tml and my sci ict package...tt one is reali causing me a great headache...

hmm...i am relai looking forward for holz...its coming soon...my first and last paper is on the 7th of nov...seems like one sem of my nie term is going to b over soon...time reali flies so so fast..relai going to miss the life here...esp the close nie mates and hall mates who made my life so much more colourful here..hehe...what more...one more mth of study in jan then all of us will b out for practicum already...tts really scary huh...

this holz i guess i have to set my mind to finish up something which i promised someone....no more procastination....i'm looking forward to tt final product too..coz i reali love tt design..hehe:)

This is the song tt led me thru tis past few days:

YOU ARE THE LORD THAT HEALETH ME
YOU ARE THE LORD MY HEALER
YOU SENT YOUR WORD AND HEALED MY DISEASE
YOU ARE THE LORD MY HEALER

To everything, there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven:

A time to be born,
and a time to die;
A time to plant
and a time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill,
and a time to heal;
A time to break down,
and a time to build up;
A time to weep,
and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones,
and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace,
and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to gain,
and a time to lose;
A time to keep,
and a time to throw away;
A time to tear,
and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence,
and a time to speak;
A time to love,
and a time to hate;
A time to war,
and a time of peace

-*Ecclesiastes3:1-8*-

what's my season?? it's a time of rest, faith and trust....a season where i know that i have become quieter, less chirpy, less happy....

i know that you all cared for me...

lijun, it has really been a long time since we really tok..but the funni ting is tat..given tt we tok less, then there would b more constructive topics everytime...thanx for telling me tt u still love and care for me..it has been a really long time since someone ever tells me this...you may feel tt it means nothing but i can tell u tt it does mean alot to me....you may b wondering why there r times tt i refrain from wanting to haf your lovely hug..but it's not because i feel disgusted but juz tt no matter who it is..i will juz haf tt line drawn..mayb i am more protective or withdrawn myself from people already so tts why even a distance in physical contact...i noe tt i have hurt you when i do that, and i'm really sorry about it...I didn't tell you this yest, but I juz wana tell u that i still love you and always remember times that you juz put ur arm on my shoulder and whisper sweet words to me....mayb times i juz ain't expressive verbally or over the phone anymore but it does not mean tt you don't matter to me...in fact, I really thank God for such a lovely sister like you...remember something...you'r beautiful in His sight and mine too..u'r really becoming prettier each and everyday...thank you for teaching me what you learnt in guitar lessons and telling me that my skills have improved...also for letting me know that i pick things up fast n remembered them, even for the piano piece tt u taught me..but there are never by my own efforts..but His..:)

terence, thank you for telling me tt i sow into your life and you still kept tt birthday card which i made...of course,i'm really so glad tt you have grown thru this past weeks and hungering for more of His words...thanx for all the words you spoke to me yesterday..they'r really words that encouraged me alot and lifted my spirits up...don't worry...i noe that i haven't been :) when u see me in cg..but then it won't be long..i'm just going thru some times....sorie tt i didn't say what's it but i juz want say thank you for all the words that you spoke...jus like God sent me at a right season, He also sent you at a right season...Thanx bro!!!

Rirong, thank you for being so concern lately and often helping me carrying my garang and/or laptop every friday when we go home from church.....btw, u'r really a very patient guitar teacher..thank you for teaching me the song yesterday..i will make sure i practice...

Knew a christian guy from nie lately...he's really a talent who started learning the guitar since age of 15...a great musician...and i really wana thank God for this fren i have met....He writes great songs....and i'm really impressed by the songs he wrote....we exchanged our songs...and guess what, no matter how good he is, he's really humble...and i myself know that my songs are really nothing compared to his...and moreover tt first song which i wrote, someone even rated it as childish....ever since then i never write anymore...till recently, i begin to do so again...i juz noe that songs onli come when i am sad...but i really wana write songs that are from Him and not me...guess what, he told me that it's often when pple are going thru some emotions that they will write..and that what i wrote are from the Spirit within me....so it's still from Him....another thing was that he said..why write like Lyndon when you should be writing like Cheryl? if they wanted to hear something written by me they'd listen to one of my songs but they'll listen to your songs beacause the want to hear YOU...I have never felt so encouraged before in terms of song writing...and he said that i'm just a beginner...so i have to allow the Holy Spirit to lead me..and i can be better..and he said that i have the "ear" but yet i kept denying it..so what he said was that, you'r not good compared to someone else but doesn't mean tt u don't have it...thanx lyndon!! u'r a good encourager...:)

seriously, after last nite's tok...i really felt so encouraged...and for once i really felt tt something has been taken out of my defeated mindset and that light has shone...i really need to stop thinking tt i am inadequate....but seriously thru this mths in NIE, i really came to recognition that all things in my life can't be possible without God...i am not a music person..someone who has no sense of beat and and never good in most things...but one thing i noe of is that i pick up things fast....and tts onli possible bcoz of God...also in NIE, life is really so hectic..but God is really good..he expanded my capacity and good health..of course, i really feel so deprived of sleep but one thing for sure, i don't fall sick as often as i do before...but i juz can't seem to rid that tired look on my face..hehe...my frens wonder how i manage to finish my work when i don't even spend time on it on saturdays..saturday is my cg day..and often i end up not doing anything on tt day..bcoz i tend to wake up late an seriously i was so dead tired that i woke up at 12 plus yest...and my routine is always try to read the bible, pray n play the guitar...well, though i set aside time for Him, He never fails...i will definitely finish what i need to, to meet datelines...in fact the more i am faithful to spend time with Him, the more i see Him come true for me...tts exactly how my life is rite now...trusting and drawing near to Him...no matter how tough times are, i know that my God is walking with me....however, now it's the season where i am trying to give Him my 100%...bcoz somehow, there are areas in my life that He wants but yet i tend not to give all...so am working on it...i noe tt breakthru is not far from me...i need to press on....Ganbatte to myself....hehe;)

Hmm..must b wondering what G square means...

God's Goodness
God's Grace


Oh yeah....have been so busy these past weeks tat i yet to pen my tots for a reali long time....

had tonnes and tonnes of assignments and deadlines to be met...but at least some are over...so thankful..and a sigh of relief...Phew!!

But all these would not be possible without God's help...becoz i recognise that by my own strength i can never have them accomplished...miracles happened along the way...and i'm reali so amazed by what God has done over and over again...

having your capacity increased by God is really so unbelievable...but it reali requries so much faith...that times i do grow weary..but can onli draw strength from the one up high....

sometimes i do wish that there will be someone that i can tok to, someone who would juz lend a listening ear...but i begin to realise tt people around me tt i can tok to is really getting lesser...the drift, the busyness.....and i'm really trying to shift my focus more on God than on man....

these past 3 weeks were really the most difficult times that i had to go thru wif respect to so many areas of my life....times of pain and sorrow but as i spend time reading His word...i noe tat i feel lifted up...because His promises never fails...what i am going thru now is juz times for me to grow even more...

however, what i reali reali desire now is a period of rest...reali feel so tired...so deprived of sleep...:(...

Never forgetting how good and graceful God is....You'r just so loving Lord...I love you!!!