ThE BeAtiTuDeS

To everything, there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven:

A time to be born,
and a time to die;
A time to plant
and a time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill,
and a time to heal;
A time to break down,
and a time to build up;
A time to weep,
and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn,
and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones,
and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace,
and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to gain,
and a time to lose;
A time to keep,
and a time to throw away;
A time to tear,
and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence,
and a time to speak;
A time to love,
and a time to hate;
A time to war,
and a time of peace

-*Ecclesiastes3:1-8*-

what's my season?? it's a time of rest, faith and trust....a season where i know that i have become quieter, less chirpy, less happy....

i know that you all cared for me...

lijun, it has really been a long time since we really tok..but the funni ting is tat..given tt we tok less, then there would b more constructive topics everytime...thanx for telling me tt u still love and care for me..it has been a really long time since someone ever tells me this...you may feel tt it means nothing but i can tell u tt it does mean alot to me....you may b wondering why there r times tt i refrain from wanting to haf your lovely hug..but it's not because i feel disgusted but juz tt no matter who it is..i will juz haf tt line drawn..mayb i am more protective or withdrawn myself from people already so tts why even a distance in physical contact...i noe tt i have hurt you when i do that, and i'm really sorry about it...I didn't tell you this yest, but I juz wana tell u that i still love you and always remember times that you juz put ur arm on my shoulder and whisper sweet words to me....mayb times i juz ain't expressive verbally or over the phone anymore but it does not mean tt you don't matter to me...in fact, I really thank God for such a lovely sister like you...remember something...you'r beautiful in His sight and mine too..u'r really becoming prettier each and everyday...thank you for teaching me what you learnt in guitar lessons and telling me that my skills have improved...also for letting me know that i pick things up fast n remembered them, even for the piano piece tt u taught me..but there are never by my own efforts..but His..:)

terence, thank you for telling me tt i sow into your life and you still kept tt birthday card which i made...of course,i'm really so glad tt you have grown thru this past weeks and hungering for more of His words...thanx for all the words you spoke to me yesterday..they'r really words that encouraged me alot and lifted my spirits up...don't worry...i noe that i haven't been :) when u see me in cg..but then it won't be long..i'm just going thru some times....sorie tt i didn't say what's it but i juz want say thank you for all the words that you spoke...jus like God sent me at a right season, He also sent you at a right season...Thanx bro!!!

Rirong, thank you for being so concern lately and often helping me carrying my garang and/or laptop every friday when we go home from church.....btw, u'r really a very patient guitar teacher..thank you for teaching me the song yesterday..i will make sure i practice...

Knew a christian guy from nie lately...he's really a talent who started learning the guitar since age of 15...a great musician...and i really wana thank God for this fren i have met....He writes great songs....and i'm really impressed by the songs he wrote....we exchanged our songs...and guess what, no matter how good he is, he's really humble...and i myself know that my songs are really nothing compared to his...and moreover tt first song which i wrote, someone even rated it as childish....ever since then i never write anymore...till recently, i begin to do so again...i juz noe that songs onli come when i am sad...but i really wana write songs that are from Him and not me...guess what, he told me that it's often when pple are going thru some emotions that they will write..and that what i wrote are from the Spirit within me....so it's still from Him....another thing was that he said..why write like Lyndon when you should be writing like Cheryl? if they wanted to hear something written by me they'd listen to one of my songs but they'll listen to your songs beacause the want to hear YOU...I have never felt so encouraged before in terms of song writing...and he said that i'm just a beginner...so i have to allow the Holy Spirit to lead me..and i can be better..and he said that i have the "ear" but yet i kept denying it..so what he said was that, you'r not good compared to someone else but doesn't mean tt u don't have it...thanx lyndon!! u'r a good encourager...:)

seriously, after last nite's tok...i really felt so encouraged...and for once i really felt tt something has been taken out of my defeated mindset and that light has shone...i really need to stop thinking tt i am inadequate....but seriously thru this mths in NIE, i really came to recognition that all things in my life can't be possible without God...i am not a music person..someone who has no sense of beat and and never good in most things...but one thing i noe of is that i pick up things fast....and tts onli possible bcoz of God...also in NIE, life is really so hectic..but God is really good..he expanded my capacity and good health..of course, i really feel so deprived of sleep but one thing for sure, i don't fall sick as often as i do before...but i juz can't seem to rid that tired look on my face..hehe...my frens wonder how i manage to finish my work when i don't even spend time on it on saturdays..saturday is my cg day..and often i end up not doing anything on tt day..bcoz i tend to wake up late an seriously i was so dead tired that i woke up at 12 plus yest...and my routine is always try to read the bible, pray n play the guitar...well, though i set aside time for Him, He never fails...i will definitely finish what i need to, to meet datelines...in fact the more i am faithful to spend time with Him, the more i see Him come true for me...tts exactly how my life is rite now...trusting and drawing near to Him...no matter how tough times are, i know that my God is walking with me....however, now it's the season where i am trying to give Him my 100%...bcoz somehow, there are areas in my life that He wants but yet i tend not to give all...so am working on it...i noe tt breakthru is not far from me...i need to press on....Ganbatte to myself....hehe;)