ThE BeAtiTuDeS

still feeling bothered about having made that person upset...somehow there is a sense of fear talking to this person again...never know when I do and say things wrongly again...

Leon did a recording on the guitar for my song Your Loving Arms...It really came as a surprise to me as I never expected him to do that...Thanx Leon...It's really sweet of ya...Somehow, because this is afterall the first song I ever penned so thats why it means alot to me..The feeling of seeing it being finished is really very nice...and now I even have two versions of it..one on the piano and the other on the guitar....

Today, my throat seems to be even more sore and I have diarrhoea. in the evening...wat a horrible feeling...and of course it affects my mood...

maybe because there are so many many things on my mind that I need to look into...and so many things bothering me right now that today just seems like a day that I only wanted to be alone....

Spent some time in God's presence this noon..the feeling was really great...it's so great to know that even in times like these, He will go ahead of me and open the way for me...also fighting with and for me...Lord, You are really my only source of strength right now...No matter how dark the road is ahead I know that with You this darkness will turn into light...And because I know that You are with me, I know that I need not be afraid to go through this valley....Thank You for your affirmation...

Cousin terence happened to be confused over whether he should take his S papers...seriously if I was him I will also be...when I know about this I really don't know how to deal with it because I seriously am a very bad decision maker and often rely on people to make decisions for me...it's all due to the environment that I was brought up where I just can only do what they have in plan for me but never able to pursue what I really like...Then later when I graduate I felt that I wanted to make my own decisions but realised that I just did not know where to go...Finally, one day alot of dreams and desires just flow through my mind as I decide to go into teaching..At that point of time I was thinking...Oh Man...I finally know what I really want...and I want to pursue them....Hmm...but this decision is really not easy to make...because of all the discouragements and persecutions that came along the way...but I thank God that I made that decision already and carried it out although the road ahead is still very uncertain because I never know if this is the wrong route..... As I started to advice my cousin I felt that my thoughts seems to be so different...begin to feel that I have became someone who is willing to venture and step above my fear and pursue what I really want....because thats what I adviced him to do...especially when I know that he desire to pursue a scholarship but worried about his CCA record and his other modules...Somehow I believe that God really had changed me so much lately...I really hope that God will change me even more that I will no longer be a woman that will blame and give in to circumstance but rise above them and even overcome my own fears...Because, I believe that I got a destiny...and God did not give me a spirit of fear but of power, of love and of a sound mind...

Just received a message to fast as a cell group this thursday for the easter event...I am really looking out for this event...I really hope that God will let me have an opportunity to reach out to my friends..because so far quite a few have turned me down...but I am not going to give up..I will pray for more people that I can reach out to....Also, I want to believe that friends that are attending the service with us will also be open and that they will experience the touch of the Holy Spirit on that day...

I always remembered the day that my two cousins raised up their hands and even walk down the steps...I really wanted to cry but I held back my tears..Because all along they have been attending church but it was only then that they gave their live to Jesus...And it's really my greatest wish to see my whole family saved....Because, in this family of mine there are people who are back sliders and even people who refused to step into church....and also a handful who are actively serving the Lord and loving Him fervently....And through these recent years, the Lord is really good because some have started coming back to the Lord...so I am sure that one day all will come to Him...For people out there...don't ever grow weary of trying okie...because one day you will see the fruits of your labour and when you do, you will be so so so happy....