ThE BeAtiTuDeS

feeling quite blue today...many tots seemed to have clouded my mind..it's simply like i'm in a state of confusion and just wana be alone in my own world...gazed out of the window...and dazed..what went thru my mind was a little puppy and me..running in a beautiful garden..playing and enjoying ourself so much...well, how i wish i have a puppy...i'm very very sure that it'll be my very best companion and can make all my sadness go away....soon, it rained... so listening to the raindrops, i started penning......mayb tis is my cry..wanting only to hide in His presence....

I cry out to You
My wonderful saviour
I want to reach the place
Where I can see You face to face
I desire your touch
Fill me with fresh anoiting

Oh Lord, I want to
Come into your Holy Presence
That I may dwell
And worship at Your feet

It’s You, You whom I have gave my heart

oh man..feeling so tired the past one day n today...finally decide to sit down to blog...seriously, now i'm feeling terrible...so awful...;'(

i never like to blog when i am down but i guess, it's good to blog now to make me feel better by reminiscing of the sweet and happy times...

we had our E298 and alumini gathering at jerel's place on sat..hehe..it's bbq...but things didn't turn out well at the start...

it rained so heavily when we went to get the food..that we got caught in the rain..lijun, rirong, jialiang and me...but thank God tt mummy brought umberella for us...however, we'r still a wet...was praying so hard that the rain would stop so tt we could haf a bbq...guess wat, by the time we reached my void deck, it stopped...if onli we waited for a while longer, then we wun get wet...

at jerel's place, firstly he n rirong dried the pit but then a caucasian said tt the pit belong to them..so after checking the knowledgement slip, jerel shifted to another pit..and some bros started to start the fire...n we were like...feeling happy coz we can start bbqing...but someone approached and said tt we took their pit again...after much discussion, it turned out that the pit tt jerel booked was double booked so we ended up pitless for quite long..till finally he found a pit for us to start the fire...Thank God that finally we could settle down...

then when bro vic reached, he said tt the food may not be enuff...haiz..i felt bad..coz i didn't cater for enuff pple..coz wat i was told was that onli 13 pple..but end up more than tt came...and when preparing, all i tot was tt the other time when we had a bbq, we got so much food left over...haiz....

we had a good time eating and chatting...of coz not forgetting the playing at the bbq pit..hehe...i guess it's reali a good time of gathering together...since the cg multiplied, we barely have the chance to meet up at all...

well, lijun, haoyi and jerel planned for my birthday...balloons..i didn't reali liked it..coz it kinda makes me feel suspicious coz they seems so secretive...plus, the celebration the other day was ruined so i guess they likely wana do up another celebration....and i dread balloons...onli liked those which are helium filled....coz i'm afraid of balloons bursting...thank God simon helped me blow my balloon...but balloons juz go on bursting...when they finally start the blindfolding and finding the balloon requested, i grew even more suspicious..bcoz, they kept saying tt sis must play...so i juz ignore and took photos...but at the end i played unwillingly....but end up i was reali tricked...i relai tot beverly was playing wif me too..but end up i kept hearing bros' voices saying i got the wrong balloon and move to my right when there ain't ani more space or balloon animore...so having the feeling of being deceived, i took off the blindfold..and the birthday song and cake came in..hehe...but the first thing i did was to head to bev and try to put my arm round her...coz she didn't play the game wif me at all...:(

oh yeah..i received lotsa gifts..even gifts from pple tt i never expected to receive from, coz they r all relatively new to me...they are all so sweet..hehe..and the gifts are reali very nice and beautiful..eheh..i'm so blessed!!!

later, i gave a speech..hehe..thanking some pple..and at the end showing my gratitude to all of them when they all sat at the steps outside the squash court...they hope tt i will tear but i juz couldn't...or might as well say, i held back my tears...

i walked matthias out of jerel's place..and had a tok wif him..it's relai nice hafing matthias around..coz he seems to understand and we simply can relate..and i respect him alot...

when we were eating the cake, qing yuan came....n he started bbqing..he's reali good at it..setting up fire and cooking..and he taught me how to take better photos...and we experimented wif the fire...the photos r reali so so so cool..ehhe...n i played by taking photos of a blue colour light stick....

i left onli at about 1 plus...so tired by then but yet felt wif so much joy...

it's reali the best birthday i ever had all these past years...for the first time, nothing drastic happened...and i reali wana thank all of them who made all this possible for me and most importantly God....without Him, all tt joy will not be there at all...

well, after the whole thingy ended...i had a chat wif terence over msn...we reali realised tt these past years..so many things changed...how we started to come into e298...pple leaving for other cg...pple joining our cg...pple growing...pple getting attached and now soon to be married...these years are juz so awesome wif God...

hmm...we'r all moving to expo in dec...it's going to be a transition for all of us..and i'm sure tt God's gona do even more awesome things....we shall all grow...

HaPPiE BiRtHDaY!!!!

hehe..it's my birthday...finally, this year's birthday is good...however, one little desire tt i have did not come true...i guess, it will take time for things to heal...

i was reali surprised...jacq called me...wow..she still remembered!!! she's my best fren from Bethesda Cathedral...but since few years back both of us took different route to different church...hardly meet up ....and it's relai the best surprise i got till now...thanx so much gal!!!:)

guess wat...beverly is the first person i spent my birthday wif...had a great tok wif her...it had been a long time since we did that..hehe...oh yeah..i'm reali honoured..coz u drove me home..:P...thanx so much gal...i hope that things will be better for u..will pray for ya..and hope that u find ur answers soon..love ya..*hugz*

hehe...simon called me...and he sang a birthday song for me...tts so nice of him..thanx alot bro!!!

cousin terence was the first to msn me when i came home..hehe...thanx boy for remembering..:)...oh next was jerel...hehe...tt silly boy was hoping tt he's the first to do so..but sad to say he ain't...silly jerel...;)...

oh this is reali relai so funi...after the tok wif simon, all the smses suddenly came flooding in....all from my cell group and and some church friends..:P.... it's all the plot of my cg lor..ehhe....

this is something reali reali so funni....yong qing msged and wish me happy birthday and then tell me tt all my cg are at my place..tts so amusing...he let the cat out of the bag...ahha...so funni...i reali couldn't help it but to break into laughter and tell jerel the little joke...haha*rolling on the bed*

well, after receiving tt message, i began to realise tt my mum ain't behaving as usual...she refused to sleep..and kept walking in and out of my room...and closed my door when i kept leaving it open...and even in my room, i could still hear funni noises..and opening of the main door...hehe..she's waiting for them...silly mummy..hehe....

well, first onli lijun, rirong, shuxian and bro vic appeared...i reali tot they were the onli ones coz they stayed in the east....but then suddenly, haoyi, stanley, guohong, jialiang, terence, simon, bro qing yuan all appeared...i held back my tears when i saw them..i was reali touched...coz it's like 1++ in the morny and they still are awake and travelled all the way to the east to celebrate my birthday...

n i reali looked so ugly...wif my hair tied up and face still wif my make up still on...n bro qing yuan, juz couldn't stop snapping the camera...i got so shy that i tried to shun...hiding behind bro victor...hehe...

oh yeah..lijun made me a so called card..but it looks funni...looks like a tablet wif my photo on it....and bro qing yuan agreed...ehhe..it's so funni..but it's the photo i love most..coz i tink i look nice in it..jerel was the one who took it and i would say tt he did a good job...:P..

oh yeah...got a belt..it's pretty..wif studs all over it...juz like terence said..shine like stars above...it's a reminder to me tt i should shine for Jesus...Amen!!!

hmm...21 more hours to go b4 my birthday is over..i reali hope tt tis will be the best birthday i ever haf...oh yeah...we'll be hafing a big gathering for e298 and it's alumni...it's a bbq...alot of things to prepare...yeah...looking forward for the fun later...

oh yeah..i bought Christian City Church's latest album --> presence....it's awesome!!!

*jumps in the air*

*hugz*

I woke up seeing jelly tots on my table...wow...i was so surprised!!!..i haven't eaten it for a long time...i remembered tt the last time i had it was when jerel blessed me wif it..hehe....tt was way so long ago....

thanx Mum!! She's reali so sweet...coz the nite before i was jus telling her tt i was craving for sweet stuff and i ate my bro's choc when he was not in..haha..i dun tink he will kill me for tt i guess..;P....and didn't expect tt she'll get me jelly tots...she remembered wat i like...YIPPEEE!!!!!

it juz feel so nice to have little surprises like this..it reali touched my heart..and to noe tt i'm being loved...:)

just stepped into my house...

overnite prayer meeting today was reali so awesome..i missed the last two session of overnite prayer meetings coz those nites i didn't feel well...but today, it was really good...the best out of all i attended...n it's the last overnite prayer meeting for the year....thank God for His great presence and glory which filled the whole audi....the whole audi was so so packed too...i love such times where we have a long time of praise and even worship....dwelling in His presence was reali reali so nice...*jumps in the air*

was feeling quite heavy b4 the prayer meeting....but i told myself tt even in such times, i will praise Him...and indeed...i have a great time jumping and praising Him....well, worship was great too....His presence was so tangible....seems like it's so thick and sweet...:P

now, i feel so charged up...oh man!!! i noe tt all things, leaving them at the altar will make lotsa difference..and i noe tt U understand...and i trust You wif all tt i have....

oh yeah..the sermon was reali reali great too...i'm reali so proud of Pastor Kong..his preaching is so so so good...growing from glory to glory...and wat more..he's on a fast but he never showed his tiredness but looked so refreshed...n he preaches wif more and more power...

the sermon was about the power of focus.....wow..it reali spoke to me...coz lately i have been very bothered and kinda side track a little...it's time tt i be FOCUSED.....all kinds of distraction has to go...

had macdonald's mac spicy double burger and ice lemon tea for supper..and i left my fries on the dining table under some covering...mayb will eat them tml, else someone if he's around will say tt i waste food...haha..but they wun taste nice i guess..hehe..i was terribly hungry juz now...coz i was had 2 bucks prawn noodles for dinner...it was so little and barely filled my stomach..but i was in a rush for choir..so juz made do wif wat i have and quickly left...:P

toking to jasper rite now...haven't seen him online for some time already....miss him...usually if yanpeng starts a conversation, jasper, jerel and i will be added...but now...it's either onli left wif jerel and yanpeng..well, lijun is now being added too if she is found online though.....looking back..i reali miss the times tt we catch animes, cook dinner like our last one which were sausages..those sausages were reali nice leh and yanpeng purposely drove down to the ulu place in buona vista to buy one......hehe... and go for midnite movies too..hehehe....he said tt it's getting cold at his side...asked him to take photos of those scenaries for me...hehe..love such shots

it's reali getting late...looks like i should go remove my make up and shower loh....:P....*heavy eyelids are shutting*

juz got home...feeling sleepy...

had lunch wif sam juz now...awww!!!! he lost so much weight...n his hair looks so different...like samurai hairstyle..hehehe....it feels so nice meeting up wif frens i haven't seen for a long time...:P...well, he's flying to guangzhou tml to meet his gf liaoz...will b back after 2 weeks...probably will meet up then...since i am back in bedok..hehe..:p

then drop by the salon to pass nik some cds...and got the cd from him too...the songs are reali nice...hehe..listening to them rite now..:)....since it's raining cats and dogs..i stayed on longer and we toked about electric guitar...remembered the time i tried my cousin's one..it was reali cool...juz a touch and the sound will be projected...unlike accoustic guitar which cause me to have blisters...:P...then he showed me some hair dyes and how he mixed them...then we tok about the time i tried washing, dyeing and blowing jerel's hair last year...we all can't help but to keep on giggling..*grin*...remember the time tt i cause his whole shirt to be so wet after a hair wash.....but he never flare up at all..instead still laughing..hehe...and still trusting me...it's reali such a relief..hehe..thanx jer!!...but today, nik mentioned tt it's not the problem wif my washing skills but the problem wif the seat...but seriously i had a good time..hehe..but ended up blowing dry his shirt rather than hair..hehe...then we toked about changing his hairstyle..hehe...mayb the next time when he goes...nik will reali cut a new look..:P....i felt so tempted to cut my hair short today, was flipping thru the magazines and discussing wif nik, what's nice and suit who..hehe...feels nice toking about such stuff..else will get lost touch of hairstyle and fashion.....it's getting long and messy..n nik is always wanting to cut my hair short..haha..he said tt my head shape will look good for short hair..but he forgot about my face...it's getting rounder..so it means it's going to b ugly if it gets any shorter....now, i'm juz waiting for it to grow even longer b4 i rebond it..but i have a guard feeling tt i may cut it short again...i tink i reali can't stand the heat....

hmm...my room is getting messier, my study table, my wardrobe, my shelves...given tt i brought so much stuff back home from hall...but feeling reali lazy to clear up..although i did say tt i wana do some packing today....i guess, i will procastinate for another day....*sticking out tongue*....

wonder how did the cybergame went...must b real exciting...:P

okie...gonna laze around alittle b4 getting ready for service tonite....hmm..there will be overnite prayer meeting tonite...must pray for supernatural strength to sustain my tired body..:P...yippee...there's no better place than to dwell in the House of the Lord...:)

arrrhhh....reblogging now....coz the stupid space got problem...

i'm feeling tired now....

went blading wif jingwen and jenny today...they decided tt they wana learn blading..haha..so happy..got khakis...they are relai fast learner..i guess after a few more rounds of practise, we'll be able to head out for the main stretch liaoz...:P

we sat down on the ground to chat for about an hour or so...and my butt hurts now...:(...n we were feeding the mosquitos thruout..haha...we'r too sweet and irresistable...:)

oh man...i better start setting a goal to exercise more often ....i've put on far too much weight eva since i started skool....*diaoz*...i've been eating too much..far too much...arrrghhh..:(

hehe...looks like we'r going blading next week again...they'r going swimming but i gota give it a miss..coz i have gesl on monday....and moreover, nik said tt i should not swim these two weeks if i dun wana ruin my hair colour..

oh yeah..the colour is getting lighter...n i tink i may get into deep shit when term starts again...mayb i will colour it darker then..hehe....but tinking of my rebonding too....straight hair..but yet it's far too short to do it now..but i reali can't stand having my hair at this length..it's so hot..and messy...must pray tt it grow faster..hehe

hmm...we'r also planning our holz...not very long i guess...abt 7 more weeks b4 term starts again..must relai enjoy while i could....

but i seem so lazy to do something tt i wana do...haiz...no motivation...:(

oh yeah...sleepy me..wana zzzz loh...gota wake up early to wake rmie up..:P she got mornie paper tml..

oh yeah...finally it's time for a holiday for me...:)..haf been waiting for so long for tis..:p

hmm....but i tot holz is suppose to be real happy..howeva, it doesn't seem so...it started off wif me feeling so heavy and upset...but i noe tt God understands..

coz He sent my angel once again...n wheneva he comes, i really felt so miraculous..hehe..God is always doing something....in fact b4 he asked how have i been, i was already deciding tt i should juz leave things aside and move on coz i'm really afraid and tired...n when u leave everything into God's hands...everything seems so much easier...:)..

well, stayed over in hall last nite....but the atmosphere seems so reali different without him...as usual, alex and roomie were around..but it juz seem so different without him being in the midst of us...no laughter, no squabbling...n when we have our supper and i can't finish my food again...tis time round, it's alex who finished them...not him...i guess i simply miss his presence...tt wheneva alex is toking..i will slip into daze, brought to think about him....we walked to his room wanting to pass him some stuff...but he wasn't in...so alex said he will keep them and give it to him when he comes back...i'm shifting some of my stuff home tonite...didn't really wana stay here..coz it will remind me of the good times he had given me.....it's onli when ur frens are around tt makes life nicer....and times when u'r rushing assignment or sick...it feels so much better wif someone around, rushing assignments, helping each other out and encouraging u...n when something bad happens...he will surely be there to check tt i am alrite even when i shaft him aside...miss his playing on the guitar too....so many memories just flooded thru my mind this morny when i woke up....reali sweet memories....though we often squabble that rmie sometimes feel speechless abt us..n i reali dread squabbling wif him but last nite i realli kinda miss the squabblings...all these moments will always be ones tt i thank God for...coz without you, the past one mth wouldn't be what it is at all...times when i laugh and cry, you were there...thanx for being there...

so many activities for this holz...hehe..tml i will be going blading and big splash with my nie frens...reali hope tt i can get the tan tml..hehe....and of coz spend great time with them...:)

wana go to bangkok but then there's bird flu...so mummy dun allow...so my hopes are dashed ..then tot..mayb going pangkor island..to rest and relax will be good..but yet no accomodation for the dates tt bev is going...:(....looks like i must plan for another one...

have been catching the show * lovers in paris*...oh my goodness..it's reali so nice...i guess i simply love romance show..hehe...then i can put myself in the imagination world and imagine myself in my fairytale land too..haha...but indeed, love can really change someone.. ..but left wif 2 more disc and i will noe the ending already.kinda excited..:P..surely i guess it will be a very sweet ending..ehhe..ever wonder this?? u like a guy but yet this guy is unsure if he likes u and is afraid of liking you?? and tells u tt he doesn't want you around him..when in fact it is coz he realise tt he loves u too much tt he dun wana hurt you... and then there's another guy who likes u, and often is the one supporting you? wiping ur tears, getting u out of trouble, making u smile?? what will u do?? then imagine..if you are either one of these guys..and both of u are related...what will u do?? chase after the ger u love or gif her to the other party??

i duno what i will do if i'm the guys...but me being a ger..i will give my opinion about being tt gal...i will feel so torn btw both guys..but then, i will be very hurt to know tt the guy tt i love chose to hurt me by saying tt he don't like having me around juz because he wanted to protect me..to myself, i felt tt given such situation, i will wana be there to support him and go thru it with him....n not having him wanting to protect me then hurt me....learnt this from lyndon->"should always reach a solution where both party benefits..."

oh yeah..the bible study last nite was awesome....so so so awesome..felt so blessed by the word...

It's the third day since what had happened...somehow still feeling :(....your words and actions are really too much...eva wonder how much a scar you have left in my life?? it's the worst i've felt all my life...well, i do admit that i had my faults in doing so but you'r far too much.....why do it then apologise over what you have done? eva wonder how much an impact it would bring to me when it spreads further?? you only cause stress to all of us...ever wonder how much ur harsh words had caused all of us to fear you....it just simply makes me fearful to approach you...though u'r strict, my impression of you have always been very good...till what you did to me...it made me felt totally embarrassed...n u ruin my whole day...and days to come...i wonder how i would feel when it's friday..i guess i will probably drag my feet to your class...n i can't believe it tt u'll still be there next sem...i wish tt i could change my class....:'(

one more science assignment to go and an english paper...and my days in NIE will be over for like a mth++....simply can't wait for the holz...i need a break...i need freedom....these past mths seems to have changed my life so much...

planning to go to bangkok for a trip to play sea sports and to shop..but now there's bird flu going on...How to go? To go or not to go?

suppose to study and do assignment these few days but i just can't seem to concentrate...all i did was to play bejeweled 2...highest score of '903850'...but somehow, i just wish tt you are still around to play twin bee with me...looked for you on monday nite online but u ain't around...i noe tt i could just drop an sms and ask if you can be around to play but i chose not to....

tried out dave's blades on mon nite...it's apec 7...cool...fast speed..tt i have a hard time trying to do the t-brake...hehe...feel like getting a new pair of blades...still wondering...if i should get apec 5..i noe tt once i get a new pair i will be able to catch up wif cousins and dave if i eva go blading with them..hehe...need to really practice and get better at it..but i guess i just don't dare to speed up..afraid of falling...still remember the times when i was in Primary 6 and fell while riding the bicycle and it left me wif a scar...but blading is a sport tt could make me feel refreshed....

thanx boy, if you ever read this, i'm sure you will noe tt it's you tt i'm talking about...i know tt these past few days you have been really caring and thoughful to try to call, sms and even trying to get me out of hall...but i guess its just me to push you away...well i do enjoy the times tt you were on the phone, listening...it's not tt i dun wana go to the library with you but i reali dun wana go to nie..n i know that you just simply dislike it wheneva i say that i don't wana talk to you..but tis is just me, i have a shell which i will go back into when i just want hide myself...i used to have gotten out of it bcoz of someone, but now i'm back into it again...though we started talking only about 3 weeks ago, i would say that when things are wrong, you will tend to appear..and the thing is tt i may not have told you much of what is going on..but i would say that when you are around, the atmosphere that you create for me is really so light-hearted and i just could be happy...i enjoyed the times you pick up the guitar and kept on playing...i was actually touch by that song that you played which u mentioned that it's a song tt your cell plays in UK...i know that many a times, you'r busy but yet you would set aside time to come and visit me to check if i'm alrite when i am sick...it was really sweet of you to bring plum over for both me and hongxiu..and of course i remembered times you came to study and keep me awake from my sneeziness...hehe...i would say tt you are really smart, i mean tt time, remember about the maths stuff we toked about..it came out for my test..:)...and it cost one mark which means 10% out of a 100%..hehe..coz the test is upon 10..don't have to feel tt you have let me down...mayb i find it hard to be expressive to you over the phone..but here i just wana say tt you have really done alot for me...i understand that music is something tt i felt tt it's a great priority to you..and moreover its a worship team that is coming..and you sonic edge cg is going..so all the more you should be there, boy..i would rather you set priorities on that:)..if you remembered what i told you before, i'm sure you will understand why...God should often be the centre of your life...thank you for all the time you have invested in me...and all the encouragements that you have given...i know that you'r also worried about alex...but it really seems like we can't do much but to pray for him...sometimes it makes me ponder if you ever thought how is it like to love others..remember, i told you about the 5 love languages?? well, i just wana say tt all tt you have done for friends around you have already shown that you do know how to love...n indeed i felt tt u'r quite a loving, caring and sensitive guy....n it's probably coz u'r a cat lover too..hehe...cat lovers are affectionate people...i have a partner in my science lessons...and he's a cat lover..his cat is reali so pretty..and he dresses it up and take photos...he too is very loving...always taking seat for me, ensuring that i am alrite when doing experiments...offering me sweet when i cough..actually i feel really blessed by God to have me meet you people...:)