ThE BeAtiTuDeS

This is a season of moving forward and going through a transition period.

Have been serving in choir for close to 4 years already. Today, I spoke to my leader and I'm really moving on to another new ministry. Not too sure what it will be yet, probably nursery. I guess maybe i've been in choir for too long and it's time to move on. Partly coz I haven't been able to go for practice,thus can't serve and also maybe I need a change of environment as I may have become too comfortable and weary.

Next, I have signed myself up for a new bible study, Fivefold Ministry which will commence next Sunday. Yesterday, I received my certificate for christian foundation. It was something that I aimed for many years back when we were still in JW but didn't achieve it. Yet, as I haven't been able to attend weekday bible studies due to work timing and having many tests not set for, I thought i'm far from receiving it. However, unknowingly I receive it.

Not only this, doors are open for me to attend discipleship class. When I was told about it I really feel that I am not ready. Going for this class will only mean that it might bring me to a calling of a leader. I feel intimidated, although I know that through the prophecy given I'm going to do great things i've never done before and carry the compassion of God to minister to people plus a new wave of anointing of the Lord. Everything just suddenly unfold like that. My leader told me that i'm already in my comfort zone and she's goin to kick me if i don't start moving. Though I know I need to be positive and obey the Lord, I simply can't help but to feel afraid of the things that are to come. It meant less time to rest and more responsibilities. I simply feel that I don't have what it takes to do what I am suppose to do. I've until Oct before I walk this new road. Opportunities don't come knocking twice, so I suppose I would go for it if the promotion comes from the Lord and if it's still open in Oct.

Few days ago, I did something i've never done. I drank heineken but only half a glass. I have never taken beer in my entire life although my dad and friends drinks. Yet that day I tried it. The feeling was horrible so I took green tea together with it. Do not know what got into me. Well, at least I know how it tasted like and know that it's not what I like at all. I felt so hot after a while but thank God I did not turn red. Later when I reach home I puked. Then, I didn't really sleep well. I'm pretty wierd, drinking makes people have a good sleep but I would end up not sleeping instead. I also concluded it's really bad for my health and I shouldn't harm the temple of the Holy Spirit. I can only appreciate wine.

Lately, my appetite has been really bad and I get constant sharp pain. Doctor said is gastric and mayb stomach ulcer. If it gets unbearable a scope will be necessary. However, sometimes I ended up puking what I eat especially during dinner. The long hours at work the past weeks, lack of sleep, stress and the feeling of emo just doesn't help at all. I need to pick my health up!! That explains the one week of rest at home and burying myself in marking and setting of exam papers.

I've also found my hiding place. A place on Siglap Hill where I will go to pray and read the word of God when I need to find the peace to keep me moving on in the midst of persecutions. I first visited there on 15th May'07 but it was only recently that I began to feel that peace of God each time I go there more frequently at night and thank God that at times I would get a ride home, usually coming to me as a surprise. That makes me feel that the Lord remembers me and hope that u will bless the person who blessed me too.

Teacher's day was just over. On the night before it, I was telling a fren that I wish I can receive a bouquet of flowers and I said a prayer to God for it. I'm a flowers person and receiving flowers makes me feel loved. Initially I got a bouquet of fake ones and many stalks of fresh flowers. Then when I walked out of school, wanting to head home, I saw Cassandra and her mum. She gave me a bouquet of sunflower.

For a moment, God really answered my prayers and made me feel so loved. Ain't it beautiful and so cheery. It makes my night. :) The sunflower replaced that warm smile.

I went to rebond my hair yesterday. It's so straight and long now. My face may look a little bit chubby too. Nik cut a new style for me but he refused to let me cut it short, even when deep down in me I really want a new look, a new beginning.

Indeed, God is going to pour out new things in my life.

"Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.
* Isaiah 43:18-19*

As I choose to stand firm and obey Him in the midst of painful times, I believe that He will not shortchange me. Instead, I can sense that He's going to bless me with a double portion of what I lost.

"Instead of your shame you shall have double honor..."
*Isaiah 61: 7*

"Refrain your voice from weeping, and your eyes from tears; for your work shall be rewarded, says the Lord."
*Jer 31: 16*

Looking ahead for a new breakthrough in my walk with the Lord. :)