ThE BeAtiTuDeS

I was flipping through my stack of sermon notes and this caught my attention. It was what Brother Lester purposely shared with us during a Relationships in Christ seminar that he conducted in 2003. Suddenly have the urge to read through it again. :P I was looking for the notes on Pastor Kong's Finding a right partner but I think I misplaced it. But, I think I will listen to the sermons since i'm on holiday now.

Qualitites to Look for in a Relationship

Look for a person with a good character and not personality.

• Character is the determinant and consistent gauge of a person; be it under pressure, stress or joy.
• Personality traits are non-lasting.

1) Commitment

• Commited to you. -> does he have time for you or often caught up with work and friends.
• Commited to the relationship. -> If he really loves you, he will wait for you.
• Commited to growth and change. -> is he willing to learn, change and improve?
• Commited to goals -> goal of every relationship is to one day get married

1 Cor 9:26 - " So I run straight to the goal with purpose in every step. I fight to win. I'm not just shadow-boxing or playing around."

2) Communication

Communication is essential. It makes or breaks a relationship.

Expressive
-> Is he able to express his feelings to you? "I love you" have healing properties.
-> Can you relate freely and openly with him?
-> Can you trust your partner?

3) Consistent

-> Does he mean what he says to you and say what he means?
-> Guys who flirt and giving fanciful stories are definitely inconsistent.

Matt 5:37 - "But let your 'Yes' be 'Yes' and your 'No' be 'No'.

4) Responsible

• Responsibility comes with maturity.
• Responsibility is not passive. It is active. -> not something of mere word/thoughts but shown thru actions.

5) Identity in Christ

• Will have a healthy self-esteem and will be able to love others and himself.

Dan 11:32 - " ...But the people who know their God shall be strong, and carry out great exploits."

Matt 22:39 - "You shall love your neighbour as yourself."

6) Physical Attractiveness

Do not mistake friendship for a romantic relationship. You need to know the differences although studies have shown that couples who started out as friends are happier and are more successfully married.

• Friendship-> Purely platonic
• Relationship-> You will feel sexually attracted

You must be attracted by physical appearance else there will be no intimacy between you and him. A relationship without intimacy will cause temptation.

Three important things to note before commiting to a relationship:

1. How does he treat his friends and family members?
2. How does he treat strangers?
3. Who are his close friends?

Do your homework before finding a partner.

Prov 18:13 - "he who answers a matter before he hears it, it is a folly and shame to him."

• Have a detailed list of the qualities of your partner and use it as a checklist.
• Don't go for personality traits but for character aspects.

Process of Courtship

1. Friends - Can you get along with one another.
2. Trying out - group outing and knowing more about his character and personality
3. Courtship - You are deciding whether if he is the one for you.
4. Attached - Making a commitment to the relationship and going towards marriage.

I have long drafted up a detailed list of the qualities that I want in my partner 3 years back. Now, it's time to fine-tune it.

The past two years+ i've been really closed up even when guys do cross my path. Maybe it was fear of getting hurt. I don't know when will the time be but just trust that everything will be beautiful in God's timing. I believe that the guy whom God has for me would be someone great and he will be able to lead me out of a shell that i've created to protect myself all these while. Love is something beautiful. Yet, it will flunctuate according to good or bad times. But it will be the commitment that makes the couple say I'll still love you on bad days, when we argue and disagree. With commitment, comes love which will aid to cover all incompatibilities or differences too.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. * Eccl 3:11*